Oh, man… yesterday was rough. Nothing extraordinary happened. I was extremely annoyed with my children in the morning trying to get them to a friend’s house on time so I could go to work on their day off of school. I yelled at them in the car the whole way there. I got to work feeling like a crummy mom who has too high of standards for her children and not high enough standards for herself.
After that, everything was a snowball. Nothing was related, but I kept feeling inadequate over and over again at work. No one made me feel inadequate. It was all in my head! All day, it felt like my head was in a fog and I couldn’t grasp or understand anything. I was once again feeling like a failure. Like I wasn’t smart enough. Like I didn’t deserve my job or anyone’s praise.
I left working feeling so overwhelmed for no apparent reason, and for me, this always turns me into an emotional wreck. I cried the whole way home, then I sat in my garage for a while trying to get myself together. I knew it was stupid, but I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that I was stupid. I needed to put myself back together so I could care for my family and care for my friends at small group that night.
Once I got inside, I tried to hide the fact that I had been crying. I rushed to the bathroom before anyone saw me and tried to reapply my makeup. I came out to my husband waiting for me, and I forced a smile. But he knows me well and could sense something was wrong. I didn’t want to talk about it, because I knew that if I did, the tears would flow once again. I tried to avoid his questions, but finally I gave in.
I explained to him how I was feeling, and how I knew I was being crazy. I knew that nothing had really caused me to feel so insecure, but that didn’t help me to stop feeling that way. I was suddenly convinced that I was the dumbest person on earth and I was never going to go anywhere in life. Well, I have the BEST husband in the world, so he was so patient, understanding and comforting. He listened to me even though I wasn’t making much sense, and he reassured me of my worth. Of course, I couldn’t believe it at the time, but over the course of the evening, I slowly settled and let the truth of what he was telling me sink in. I was still feeling down all evening, but a calm was slowly washing over me. I was beginning to have more peace and security in who I am in Christ.
This morning, I woke up with the resolve to move on. To start fresh. Then I walk in the kitchen and find a note from my husband. He was at work already, but he took the time this morning to leave me some encouragement. I want to share with you what he wrote (he gave me permission), because it shows perfectly how good he is to me, as well as how God really feels about me. I hope that you can read his message to me and apply it to yourself. If you are having a hard time discovering your worth, I pray his words will comfort you and strengthen you today as they did for me.
Good morning, my love.
I hope you have a fantastic day. I know that yesterday was tough, but today is a fresh start on a new day. I want to offer Psalm 139 as encouragement for you today, specifically verses 13-14. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
I hope you find encouragement in David’s words. I also know that God gave you an amazing heart. You feel for, fight for, and reach out to others….I believe this is part of what God plans and wants for you. To make a difference for those people.
Your value is not found in your job…Your value is found in who God made you: a daughter with a heart for others like herself, a loving wife, a caring mother, a great writer, a person who can empathize with others easily, my best friend, and so much more. Know no matter what, you have a God that loves and value you. I believe you have a wonderful purpose in this world.
I love you always,