Do you ever feel like you are failing at life? Like you are the biggest hypocrite? Me too, friends. Me too…
I believe that God is enough. That He is ALL that I need. But still I struggle with discontentment.
I believe that God loves me more than anyone else could. But still I seek the approval and love of others.
I believe that God has saved me from my depression. But still I struggle to find joy in all circumstances.
I believe that when I depend on God I have nothing to fear. But still I live a life of timidity and cowardice.
I believe that God is ever patient with me. But still I yell at my kids and feel frustrated when I wish people would change.
Does this mean that I don’t really believe any of those things? Does this mean that I’m a hypocrite? The answer is probably both yes and no to both questions, and the reason is this: I am both a sinner and a saint. I am both depraved and whole. I am both in mourning and full of joy. I am both timid and bold.
I resonate with Paul when he writes: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do….For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing.” (See Romans 7: 15-20)
This is how I know that I am not alone in this. I know that I’m not the only one who doesn’t do what they desire with all of their being to do. We all have this tendency to do what feels natural and easy rather than what we really want to do.
This is also how I know that I am a follower of Christ. I know, because I have the desire to do what is not normal in this world– not to make myself stand out but to make God stand out. Paul was dedicated to Jesus and spreading the gospel, but he still did things he didn’t want to do…that he knew he shouldn’t do. NO ONE is perfect. We all need so much grace each and every day.
And I know my God loves me, so I know that what He tells me to do is in my own best interest as well, even when I don’t understand it. So I desire to do the right thing, even when it’s hard, because I know that God didn’t tell me to do something or not do something for an arbitrary reason.
I guess we just have to live in this tension, knowing that when we mess up we are still loved by God. He is sad that we didn’t experience His BEST for our lives. He is sad that we missed out. BUT He gives us the grace and strength to try again. He gives us a new day, a new opportunity.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him.’
The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”
What encourages you when you struggle? If you believe in God, how have you learned to wait on God and depend on His unending mercy? Please share with us in the comments!